Cingular cell phone service - Navaz Apologizes, Admits to Stow Lake Incident, Switches to Verizon, Ackowledges Surveys {more]

Author

Navaz Apologizes, Admits to Stow Lake Incident, Switches to Verizon, Ackowledges Surveys {more]

AP1NewsNetwork@gmail.com

2007-04-01, 4:33 am

April 1, 2007, 12:00 AM Source: AP1 News Network

Navaz Apologizes, Admits to Stow Lake Incident, Switches to Verizon,
Ackowledges Surveys {more]

Apologizes for Past Behavior
----------------------------
In a stunning and unexpected announcement, Usenet outlaw Johan Navaz
today put forward an aggressive plan of behavior modification.
Speaking from the Navaz Group World Headquarters, located inside a
postal box at the UPS Store in San Ramon California, Mr. Navaz
apologized for his past behavior and emphasized his desire to turn
over a new leaf.

No More Shilling for Cingular
-----------------------------
"I'm done shilling for Cingular," Navaz proclaimed proudly, holding up
his new Motorla V325i tri-mode CDMA/AMPS phone with a Verizon logo
emblazoned on it, and tapping the Bluetooth headset on his left ear.
"I rooted for the underdog when the western region Cingular operation
was just the old Pacific Bell Wireless. Their service was abomidable,
but they were a local operation and their prices were really low. Now
everything's changed with Cingular morphing back into AT&T. It's like
the old AT&T monopoly all over again, only the logo is different. I'm
still mad about AT&T telling me to 'Reach out and Touch Someone,'
because I got swift kick in you know where when I tried touching that
busty blond waitress at Hooters."

No More Acting Like a Second-Grader
-----------------------------------
Navaz, who's become famous in Usenet circles for his content-free
responses when he's unable to counter facts, apologized for his habit
of posting inane one-line responses consisting of "Rubbish,"
"Nonsense," "Good Scramble," "Nope," "Not True," etc., when backed
into a corner. "It was childish," he admitted. "I've grown up and will
now gracefully admit my mistakes. For g-d's sake, I've been acting
like a second grader. Usenet is so anonymous and faceless that I
forgot the manners that my parents taught me. I humbly ask for
forgiveness."

Extended GSM Story was an Honest Mistake
----------------------------------------
Asked about his claim to be the only person in the United States to
ever have experienced Extended Range GSM (which has not been deployed
in the United States), he chuckled and stated that his GPS batteries
had died, and he really had no idea where his boat was when he made
the call that he later claimed was on the Extended Range GSM Network.
"Turns out I was actually on a pedal boat in Stow Lake in Golden Gate
Park, not on my sailboat out in the Pacific Ocean" he sheepishly
admitted. "It could happen to anyone not familiar with the tide
tables. I just made up some GPS coordinates, same as I make up most
everything I write. Everyone knows that there is no Extended Range GSM
in the U.S., but I got so tired of people with Verizon and Sprint
having such good coverage that I felt that I had to make up something,
and I found some information about Extended Range GSM on Google."

Switched to Verizon over a Year Ago
-----------------------------------
Navaz admitted that he changed his wireless carrier form Cingular to
Verizon more than a year ago, because he had no Cingular coverage at
his home. "I was always driving to my office at the UPS store to make
calls," he said. I got tired of having to go three miles in order to
make a call." Verizon has great coverage at my house in Dublin, and
I'll finally be able to use my phone on my sailboat, far out into the
ocean, thanks to Verizon's excellent AMPS network. Bora Bora, here I
come!" [Editor's Note: when sailing across the ocean bring a satellite
phone].

AMPS is Great
-------------
Continuing to rave about the AMPS network, Navaz explained, "Everyone
that talked about the usefuleness of the AMPS network was right, as I
discovered when I finally figured out that it was safe to leave the
limited confines of GSM coverage. I had been planning all my routes
based on where I could get a GSM signal, so I missed out on a lot of
great places." When informed that AMPS could legally be turned off in
2008, Navaz dismissed the chance of that happening. "I wrote a letter
to the FCC and to the president asking them to mandate continued
support of AMPS until the year 2020," he said. "I got a personal
response from the FCC chairman assuring me that the FCC will comply
with my request. I got a call from George W. Bush assuring me that the
nation's power transmission grid has enough amps, that the proper
number of amps is something that the world's scientists disagree on,
and that the subject needs more study in order for everyone to become
fully informationalized, rather than taking the word of known liberal
left-wing one-world egg-headed pinko pansy bed-wetting Democratic
scientists."

Independent Surveys Were Right
------------------------------
Navaz apoogized profusely for his attacks on independent surveys put
out by J.D. Power, the Yankee Group, Consumer's Union, and the
Consumer's Checkbook. "I'm extremely sorry about making up such
ridiculous stories about the validity of these surveys," he stated,
reading from a prepared statement. "These surveys have extremely large
sample sizes, sound statistical methodology, and very low margins of
error. Until I took an elementary statistics course at Diablo Valley
Community college I thought that in order to have a valid survey that
you had to ask ever single person in the U.S. about their experiences
with a product or service, I didn't understand anything about sampling
other than the free food samples that they give out at Costco. I
thought that my survey was better, even though I only surveyed myself,
but now I realize that a sample size of one has a high margin of
error, especially when it's me that's the single sample."

Free Wireless is Awesome
------------------------
Navaz also admitted that he's had a change of heart regarding the
proliferation of free wireless networks. "I used to be against free
wireless because I thought that it would hurt sales of high speed data
plans by the wireless carriers, and would hurt DSL and broadband
sales, including lost sales to Pacific Bell, SBC, AT&T, or whatever
they're calling themselves this week," he explained. "As a former
Republican, I believed in the privatization of profit, but the
socialization of losses, but all that's changed."

With his Lenovo Thinkpad and D-Link mobile router spread out across
the table in a booth at the local Panera Bread franchise, Navaz
continued: "Now that the wireless carriers won't let people mooch by
tethering and using low cost data plans like I was doing, I think that
every city and every business should be required by law to deploy free
100 Mb/s wireless for me to use. Free wireless is a basic human right.
I'm just glad that Panera doesn't mind me running an extension cord
across their floor to power my equipment. They haven't complained
about me bringing my own coffee and food either," he laughed, while
munching on leftover Costco pepporoni pizza. "I sometimes get dirty
looks after I'm here for a few hours without buying anything and then
I have to move over to the lobby of the Marriott Residence Inn where
the connection isn't as fast and where they won't let me use my power
strips."

Contract with Usenet
---------------------
Navaz also laid out a pledge to Usenet, which he will abide by in the
future, calling it his "Contract with Usenet," comparing it to Newt
Gingrich's "Contract on America." Starting today, he will abide by the
following contract terms:

1. No spamming
2. No posting of the alt.cellular.cingular charter into newsgroups
other than alt.cellular.cingular
3. No illegal postings of copyrighted news stories
4. No product promotions
5. No unsubstantiated statements
6. No commercial announcements
7. No personal insults or flaming
8. No content-free responses
9. No complaining about the travel charger that Motorola includes with
many phones
10. Gracefully admitting errors and apologizing for mistakes

Usenet Users Applaud the "New Navaz" but Some Express Doubt
-----------------------------------------------------------
Usenet users worldwide joined in applauding the 'New Navaz,' and some
predicted that the new Navaz will usher in a new era of truth and
honesty on Usenet. "Absolutely he is changing," gushed Jim Wayda, a
frequent Usenet poster. "Some people believe that he'll be just as
obnoxious and clueless as before, but I for one believe that people
can change if they really want to. Deep down inside Navaz there was a
child calling for help. If the Israelis and the Palestinians can
settle their differnces in a true Christian manner, then surely Usenet
users can do the same."

Scooter Howdoyoudo, a frequent Navaz critic was slightly less
enthusiastic, stating "Navaz comes out with the same sort of statement
every year, but nothing ever changes, he still continues to be a
pathalogical liar. I'm hopeful that this time he's made the decision
to really change, but we need to wait and see how he behaves going
forward. I'm old enough to remember the 'New Nixon' so I'm a bit
sketptical of the 'New Navaz.' Echoing those sentiments, Esteban
Scharfenberger, who Navaz frequently attacks whenever Scharfenberger
posts facts that Navaz doesn't like, also expressed doubt, "I kill-
filed him long ago," explained Scharfenberger. "No one took him
seriously, and it seemed like the sole reason for his existence on
Usenet was to see how annoying and obnoxious he could be, as he made
up lies to shill for Cingular. What was the catalyst for this sudden
coming to religion? Let's give it a couple of months and watch his
behavior before we accept that his conversion is genuine. I'm hopeful,
but skeptical."

Kurt

2007-04-01, 10:33 pm

In article <1175411003.494869.220940@l77g2000hsb.googlegroups.com>,
AP1NewsNetwork@gmail
.com wrote:

> April 1, 2007, 12:00 AM Source: AP1 News Network
>
> Navaz Apologizes, Admits to Stow Lake Incident, Switches to Verizon,
> Ackowledges Surveys {more]

What a post! Do you have a crush on him?

--
To reply by email, remove the word "space"

John Navas

2007-04-02, 3:33 pm

On Sun, 01 Apr 2007 16:24:50 -0700, Kurt <labolide@spacegmail.com> wrote
in <labolide-63BC96.16245001042007@news.giganews.com>:

>In article <1175411003.494869.220940@l77g2000hsb.googlegroups.com>,
> AP1NewsNetwork@gmail
.com wrote:
>
>
>What a post! Do you have a crush on him?

Just no life and way too much free time. LOL!

--
Best regards, SEE THE FAQ FOR CINGULAR WIRELESS AT
John Navas <http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/ Cingu...less_FA
Q>

karlkrandall@sbcglobal.net

2007-04-02, 3:33 pm

On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 17:41:35 GMT, John Navas
< spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:

>On Sun, 01 Apr 2007 16:24:50 -0700, Kurt <labolide@spacegmail.com> wrote
>in <labolide-63BC96.16245001042007@news.giganews.com>:
>
>
>Just no life and way too much free time. LOL!

Lots of folks have free time on weekends, and I thought it was
spot - on.

John Navas

2007-04-02, 3:33 pm

On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:11:28 GMT, karlkrandall@sbcglob
al.net wrote in
< v9l213d29fvupc9gibkf
7shi99vje25vf3@4ax.com>:

>On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 17:41:35 GMT, John Navas
>< spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:
>
>
>Lots of folks have free time on weekends, ...

Some do, obviously. Those with lives don't.
I was out sailboat racing.
And you?

--
Best regards, SEE THE FAQ FOR CINGULAR WIRELESS AT
John Navas <http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/ Cingu...less_FA
Q>

karlkrandall@sbcglobal.net

2007-04-02, 3:33 pm

On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:40:43 GMT, John Navas
< spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:

>On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:11:28 GMT, karlkrandall@sbcglob
al.net wrote in
>< v9l213d29fvupc9gibkf
7shi99vje25vf3@4ax.com>:
>
>
>Some do, obviously. Those with lives don't.
>I was out sailboat racing.
>And you?

Don''t get your phone wet.

And having a life need not be mutually exclusive to haveing free time.
Sorry you refuse to have free time. A type A personality doomed to an
early heart attack.

John Navas

2007-04-02, 10:33 pm

On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:27:38 GMT, karlkrandall@sbcglob
al.net wrote in
< pmp2135onh0c1446lvh9
sq5cpe3b77dsm2@4ax.com>:

>On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:40:43 GMT, John Navas
>< spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:

>
>Don''t get your phone wet.

It's a pretty big boat that stays dry inside.
<http://www.1d35.com/>

>And having a life need not be mutually exclusive to haveing free time.
>Sorry you refuse to have free time.

I just use my free time in much more productive ways.

>A type A personality doomed to an
>early heart attack.

Who would that be?

--
Best regards, SEE THE FAQ FOR CINGULAR WIRELESS AT
John Navas <http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/ Cingu...less_FA
Q>

karlkrandall@sbcglobal.net

2007-04-02, 10:33 pm

On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:48:06 GMT, John Navas
< spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:

>On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:27:38 GMT, karlkrandall@sbcglob
al.net wrote in
>< pmp2135onh0c1446lvh9
sq5cpe3b77dsm2@4ax.com>:
>
>
>
>It's a pretty big boat that stays dry inside.
><http://www.1d35.com/>
>
>
>I just use my free time in much more productive ways.
>
>
>Who would that be?

The one who self-identified as having no free time.

But as much as you make useless posts here, I guess you do have lots
of free time.

John Navas

2007-04-02, 10:33 pm

On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:59:23 GMT, karlkrandall@sbcglob
al.net wrote in
< fjr213daslovihihi0f1
n4j65mh7t9j29d@4ax.com>:

>On Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:48:06 GMT, John Navas
>< spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:
>
>
>The one who self-identified as having no free time.

Who would that be?

>But as much as you make useless posts here, I guess you do have lots
>of free time.

"By thy childish remarks they shall know ye."

--
Best regards, SEE THE FAQ FOR CINGULAR WIRELESS AT
John Navas <http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/ Cingu...less_FA
Q>

Elmo P. Shagnasty

2007-04-02, 10:33 pm

In article < vvm2139pib5d5m2hbfju
qcg7t1gma2akba@4ax.com>,
John Navas < spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:

> I was out sailboat racing.

Ah. You're the anchor, then.

Elmo P. Shagnasty

2007-04-02, 10:33 pm

In article < 8oq213p87nb77l1v01oi
mdh4nn64dd76t4@4ax.com>,
John Navas < spamfilter0@navasgro
up.com> wrote:

>
> I just use my free time in much more productive ways.

Such as your participation in this newsgroup?

Busted.

LinkBot